starting afresh

cat gonna start new job.. new line, new life.. maybe should change a bf to make it a whole new start?? lol..

1 year plus into the r/s.. i see improvements and more compromising from both sides, though i feel i'm compromising more, i get the idea that the bf thinks otherwise..

i hate the way he skirts certain issues, doesn't seem to appreciate me enough, making me feel that all that i've done for him and all the sacrifices i made for him are wasted. all i want is appreciation and at least acknowledgement that i have done what i have done. now it seems it's what i should have done and he's taking it for granted. i hate that.

i know we're not supposed to 'gei kao' who has done what for whom, but.. if i feel so one-sided, there's like nothing much to compare.

i know i'm too nice to him, some feel that it's not worth it, he doesn't seem to appreciate. but it's in me to be nice to smone i love. and i can't just stop loving that person. i'm disappointed, more in myself though. y can't i take a firmer stand.

cat's a pushover in love matters...

Sick Cat

the mighty Cat has fallen.. lol.. it's an illness waiting to happen.. sickening that it has to be so close to my event..

today also marks 1 year wif TSO.. funnily, we didn't even see each other today.. the bf is having leg cramps.. run too much.. lol..

feelin a bit upset that the bf didn't come acc me.. i tend to compare wat i do for him and wat he does for me.. and smtimes, it feels that i love him and do more for him than vice versa.. i know comparisons shouldn't be made.. but smtimes, juz can't help it.. if now liddat, in future how? haiz.. forget it.. think i'm sick n juz gibbering away. not thinking properly..

go slp lo...

July 2010

it's the first of July... counting down to the main event starts now.. Cat will be working in frenzy mode for the next few weeks.. i hope i can get time off at least on 12 July.. so that i can watch the world cup finals.. lol..

working like S**T juz to get thru the briefing session this sat.. hope i've made enuff prep.. i have no time to do anything else.. i got 3 more satellite events (mini shaving at the sch/cpy) next week, and i don't even have the program yet.. so dead.. not even coming up with the agreement letter, though god knows y we need it.. lol..

everything will culminate on 25 jul, and on 26 july, i will be submitting a letter.. a letter to end my misery.. i will leave at the end of the aug.. :D counting down..

i kinda foresee jul 2010 to be one of the worst times in my life..

Cat the wreck

this cat needs therapy, counseling, psychological help. does tinkle friend (or is it twinkle friend) still work?

for the first time in my working life (short as it is), cat broke down at work. broke down as in, cried.. seriously, how many people have seen this cat cry b4.. (funerals not counted). but, since april till now, I've cried like i dunno how many times.. all due to work stuff.. and i don't know why. work ain't supposed to be this hard.. i'm working in a VWO for god's sake.. really, i thought entering an industry like that will be more loving, nicer and less stressful..

now, i seriously preferred my life in Eureka.. at least it was so much more straightforward..

i also dunno why i broke down.. guess it was an accumulation of the stress over the past few weeks.. i remember i had migraine on thurs night, went home, showered, napped for a short while, woke up, and talk on phone wif TSO for awhile, and was crying a little, he cheered me up abit and we put down the phone. b4 i could sleep, somehow i just started crying and i couldn't stop. finally slept.
went to work the next day, wanted to talk to my mgr abt something, but b4 anything, all i could tell her was 'i cannot take it anymore' and the tears just started coming out. had a long talk with her. things are bad. i told her everything. but when faced wif my ED after that, I couldn't say anything, and things that i said to her were just superficial. now she thinks that there's no problem, juz my mgr being over protective.

how? i can't eat well, i can't sleep, my heart rate increases even when i just someone looking remotely like her. i get upset and cry at the smallest thing.. esp over work. how am i going to complete the one year? i feel i'm gonna suffer an emotional or mental breakdown soon. i don't know how to go on. i don't dare to tell my parents, i feel i'm like that cos i'm weak. i think the problem lies with me. coz i'm fuking useless, can't even handle a bit of stress.

but i really can't take it anymore. i have to force myself to go to work, i tremble at the thought of work, of facing her in office. everyday going to office, wondering if i am gonna get yelled at today, not daring to do anything for fear of doing it wrong and getting scolded. but this way, things get delayed, and i still get scolded at in the end.

i really want to leave. i cannot take it anymore. what can i do? i'm actually crying as i type this.. wtf.. when did i become so weak, so useless..

FMWL (f**k my working life)

Oh well.. all i gotta say, I hate my boss.. who doesn't right? but well, this is a whole new level altogether.

Anyway, don't tell me things will get better, coz it won't, as long as she's still around. I will NEVER extend my contract, as long as she's still around. She drives me to the point of resigning almost everyday (those days that don't, it's coz she's not in office. HEAVENLY!)
I like my colleagues, but we're all dying to leave. I'm so glad I'm on contract. i can't wait for the year to end.
if she leaves first, then it's probably a different story.

certain things ain't for shouting out in the murky world of www. if u wanna know more, ask me out.
I'll go if I have time, and so I can bitch.. wahhahahhahaha

ashes to ashes, dust to dust

sent my cuz off for the final time yst. shall not go into details, but juz suffice to say, Cat finally broke down n cried.

Bye Cuz.. i'm sure u know you're loved and missed. take care wherever u are, and bless us from wherever you are.

the wait seems sweeter

lol.. the bf is hm.. for those who went out wif me the past two weeks, i'm sorry you've had to suffer thru my whinings of my 相思病。 actually, not really la.. how often do u get to see this Shuper Cute Cat whine anyway?? haha..

eniwei, last nite when waiting at the airport for him, suddenly like, hey. i've been looking forward to this day since 2 weeks ago, hw come when i'm here, i dun feel that excited?? haha.. but of coz, it's still good to see him home..

life is back to normal.. :D

Things looking bad

Received sms from a cousin (D) in the morning on my way to work.
Basically to tell us that the doc has confirmed that my cuz's (L) liver has failed, he will be leaving us. Maybe days, maybe weeks, no one knows. Doc gonna discharge him and let him go naturally at home. asks us to pray n hope his departure is painless..

i asked D how L is doing.. his reply was 3 words, and cut deep. 'Hallucinating, Pain, Mourning'
i didn't dare send anymore things. spoke to another cousin (J) over msn while at work. she went to visit him. her msn personal message was smthin like 'we can only stand by and watch you suffer.. we r so sorry..' i teared at work when i saw that.

i think they're exploring hospice care for the last few days of his life. i juz sent singapore cancer society an email asking how to go abt doing it.. for once i sort of hoped my exec director is around, at least she has contacts within the SCS, could've helped me.. (she's on leave for a week.. woohoo!!)

i wanted to visit him in the hospital, but came down with a horrigible migraine.. came home, showered, slept. was asleep frm 7+ till 11.30pm, still felt bad, if not worse, so popped 2 panadol and went back to bed till 2am.. i've slept my no. of hours.. nw i'm kinda wide awake at 2.45am.. lol..

_________________________________________________________________

on a totally different note, the bf is coming back!! flight supposed to touch down at 0055 20march. thing is.. i only know it's terminal one.. can't rem his flight no. for the life of me.. hahahhaha.. juz when i'm getting used to him not being around.. he comes back.. lol.. well.. at least i'll haf him by my side again.. n he gets to bully me again....

Pre-emptory Goodbye

I've a cousin, quite a few years older than me, so we're not close. probably all we knew is each other's existence, how we're related, me greeting him at family gatherings.

i didn't even know how old he is, where he stays, who exactly his wife is, wat he works as etc etc.. that's a problem when you have too many cousins, and a couple of them are low profile people.

But, recent events have made him the 'hottest' topic within my maternal extended family. Not in a good way though. He was diagnosed with 4th stage cancer in Feb, before CNY. It was stunning news, but most of us took it in stride as no one knew how serious it was. I mean, we knew it was 4th stage, but there wasn't much news, and being a big family, rumours were flying all over.
Further to add was the point that besides being cousins, I basically know nothing about him, except that he has a son. I didn't even notice that his wife was in the last trimester of pregnancy, and only knew about the latest addition to the family at the same time he was diagnosed.

He was positive at first, and everyone was in denial. Like, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't drink, he's a good guy. Why is this happening to him? One of the last people we thought it'd happen to.. And also, coz we ain't that close, it kind of felt unreal to me. And it was near CNY, I'm ashamed to say that at that point, I was kind of more excited about CNY. Also, during the celebrations, no one mentioned his absence. the traditional way of polite denying the existence.

After CNY, i was more concerned about TSO being away from me for 2 whole weeks, i was trying to spend as much time as I could with him, to the point we were kind of sick of each other. But, thoughts of my cousin only vaguely crossed my mind. Someone who seems close, but yet so far. Vaguely heard that he started chemo, seems to be reacting well, everyone was positive. It was an illusion..

Being a cynic myself, I preferred to think the worse of things so that I would not feel so upset. (for e.g., during school, before exam results comes out, i will tell myself that i probably did very badly and failed those papers that I wasn't confident of, so that when i get results, and i passed, I will actually be damn happy, and if I did fail, i had already expected that outcome, so won't be overly upset.) Plus i am working in CCF, kind of heard some bad stuff and good stuff, and had slightly more knowledge on cancer, though I dunno how much similarities there are in childhood and adult cancer. But i figured the chemo part, remission, and relapse part would be rather similar.. Perhaps the difference is in the medication, treatment etc.

Anyway, I personally read up abit on cancer, and during those early days when rumours were rife, some cannot be ignored and probably has some truth in it. I was told cancer was in various places in his body, so I read up on those cancer in places that I was told.. Sadly, what I read wasn't good. Less than 5% chance of survival, etc etc. All in all, without seeing him or hearing anymore, I personally thought he had another 3-6 months more even if the chemo didn't go well. privately, i thought chemo won't work on him anymore anyway.. the cancer was surface cancer, meaning it doesn't stay in one place where u can cut the tumour out.. it spreads all over the body at an astonishing speed..

Until last Thurs.. TSO wasn't around already, I had nothing to do. Went home and Mom said she was gonna visit my grandparents.. Being bored, i decided to tag along. While there, they started talking about the cousin, and I could catch snippets of it. (it was in hakka, i barely know 10 words, was like trying to decipher a total foreign language)
Basically, what i heard that day was that he was in hospital the past few days, coz his gastric was bleeding n they had to do an op to stop it, his chemo treatment was halted, but he was gonna be discharged the next day. So, out of concern, curiosity and a sense of duty, and just wanting to see him and show some support, I went with my mum the next day to visit him.

What i saw stunned me. The person I was looking at was barely a shadow of his past. Though admittedly, I didn't have much of an impression of him except that he was plump, nerdy looking, but a nice guy.
The man I saw is thin all over, except for a bulging stomach that was bigger than in the past. But, his shoulder was so thin that the shirt he was wearing seemed to be hanging off him.. His speech was slow and abit slurred, but he was still lucid. He could recognise me, and even remember my name. I teared when I saw him. And personally, at that point, I gave maybe 2 months more, and I figured he wouldn't be able to carry on with chemo at that point, cos i personally thought he really wasn't reacting well therefore the problems. And for a 4th stage cancer, even with chemo the chances of surviving is still very low. Don't forget the cancer cells were spreading so fast, the doctor don't even know where it started from..

Did i mention his younger son is only a month plus old now? I was carrying him later on, trying to see how he'd look like when he grows up, and suddenly, a heart-wrenching pain hit me, 'my cousin, his father, will not be able to live to see him grow up!'.. It was painful.

Went home that night, said a short prayer to wish him all the best, and went on with my life. Was telling my bro on Sun evening that he'd better go visit him, else won't need to go anymore.. But i didn't mean it literally.. was just telling him not to drag his feet in visiting coz ppl tend to put off the undesirable..

That night, after dinner, we were told he was admitted to hospital again for excessive bleeding.
This afternoon, finally heard more news, and went to hospital to visit him.
Apparently, he was in so much pain yst, he was screaming, and the screaming damaged his already fragile windpipe and caused the bleeding to start, and due to chemo and other stuff, he has lower count of the platelets required to make bleeding stop, so his bleeding was more excessive. They drove him to the hospital, where his heart actually stopped for awhile and they resuscitated him. probably due to excessive blood loss.

But my dad said that with that kind of level of pain, the patient would be nearing the end.. He had seen it happen before. Also, the medication he was on is already to alleviate the pain. The doctor isn't really looking to cure him, but to make his last days more peaceful and comfortable. He is suffering from multiple organ failures, and only his heart and brain is still working. He was awake when i visited him in the HD unit (High Depandancy Ward), but we were advised not to talk to him too much as if he starts talking, it might start the bleeding again. Just as well, I really didn't know what to say. All I could do was smile at him..

It's like, I was there to say goodbye, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I also can't tell him to get well.. all i could say was, Kor, rest well, u take care. i cannot begin to understand how he feels about all these. An aunt went in, saw him and juz started sobbing.. I told her not to cry, coz she's gonna make him feel worse.. but not close enuff an aunt that i can just usher out.. so i was standing there helplessly, not daring to look at my cousin cos i knew i'd see tears in his eyes. n i couldn't hush up my aunt. another cousin standing there also teared.. but i didn't. figured he'd be more upset than us.. he's the one dying, not us. though after his death, the pain will leave him, but it will stay with us until time heals us..

He's only 36. His 2 kids are 40 days and 2 years old. Why is life so unfair? Why him? Why so young? Why must my aunt go thru this at her age? I think she's like 60 plus, almost 70 soon? She went from being rotund and having a round face, now, she slimmed down alot..
She's suffering along right with her son..

Kor, rest well, be in peace. If you really can't get well, I hope you go to a better place with no pain soon. Don't worry, we'll all help with your parents, wife and children however we can. I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to get to know you better. Goodbye till we see each other again.

missing him

i want my boyfriend... :'(

one of the worst mondays to date

today is thoroughly miserable.. i dunno y too..

first thing i did on a monday is to send my bf off to the airport at 12mn. 2 weeks of not seeing him. maybe if such a thing happen in future i'd be quite happy.. but right now, i hate the feeling of being apart.

then i had a bad night. fell aslp at 2am, had a series of weird dreams, woke up at 4am. tso supposed to sms me when he board the plane, but i didn't receive anything. started to haf funny thoughts that went wild. when i fell aslp at 4plus am, it was a continuation of a series of weird dreams. went on all the way till 7plus when it was time for me to wake up.

7 plus.. and still no news frm the bf.. started to feel worried.. the first thing i did when i reached office was to scan the news of any plane disasters in the TW vicinity.. silly, but like i said, i have an overactive imagination.

n then start work. at 10am, the ED (exec director, head honcho of the staff in CCF), started discussing some stuff with colleagues.. loud, abrasive, sharp tones.. how to work.. making the whole office noisy, unpeaceful.. (juz wat we need on a monday morn that's miserable enuff)

had a thoroughly dissatisfying lunch, couldn't finish my food. finally heard frm the bf at 2 plus, n set my mind at ease a little, but the missing of him increased twofold..

left alone in my little world until 4plus when the ED called me. suddenly i have to redo the WHOLE FUCKING BUDGET of the event which was already approved simply coz the mgmt comm ppl (whom my head honcho answers to, n she therefore leaps to their every word) said so.

juz when i thot that i was gonna finally crawl thru monday, this kind of bomb comes crashing down on me... as if i dun haf enuff to worry abt.. why muz i rehash something that was fixed earlier?

i farkin hate my job!

N GUESS WAT!! THE DAY IS TECHNICALLY NOT OVER YET!!! i juz wan find a cave n hide n feel sorry for myself

Emo

Damn.. I miss my bf... n he didn't drop me a msg when he reached.. i'm gonna conjure images of dire circumstances until he contacts me.. ultimately i think he didn't contact due to excitement and perhaps no time to... the no time part doubtful, excitement part more believeable.. lol..

anyway, i'm gonna miss him till when he comes back...

Doubts

this entry may remain unposted.. i just need to let things out..

Doubts.. i don't know if its me thinking too much too deep or its true.
im getting damn sick of all this doubts. how to clear it all? i don't know how serious he is about me. i don't know how important i am to him. i don't know if he's the one. i don't know if he really does cherish or love me. i don't know if he's with me because he has been single for 4 years and he just wants a gf, anyone. i don't know if he really loves me. so many times i feel like just giving up. why make myself go thru all these troubles? i'm sure he wouldn't care too. he always gives me the feeling that he can just walk away unscathed if we break up. im being repetitive. i don't care..

i don't like u for:

• suggesting to me that i MIGHT want to change any part of my body. i don't want to. if i do it, it's for you. it affects me alot to think that you find me inadequate



• being selfish



• showing me a black face whenever you're tired, and take ur unhappiness out on me, i'm ur gf, not a vessel for u to vent ur anger on



• getting pissed and then just keep quiet without letting me know what caused you to be pissed



• always giving me the feeling that you're putting your friends before me. even if you really do, let me think that you value me more, but u would just like to spend some time with your friends.



• thinking things too logically, and then get unhappy when i don't agree or cannot understand what u mean. i'm not that smart, n sometimes i'm not logical. Females are never meant to be logical emotionally anyway.



• always saying, 'nvm, i don't want to say you, and in the next breath, start telling what i should or should not have done.' I don't say 'I told you so!' to you, so don't do it to me. I know what i have done is stupid/ wrong already, you don't have to rub it in.



• not giving in to me (enough). i give in to u and i bend to ur desires, it'll be good if you could do the same for me sometimes, even if you don't want to. and at least pretend that u enjoy and don't complain.



• refusing to talk about emtional stuff. i know you're uncomfortable, but just do it, even to just make me feel better and loved. i need constant reassurance.



• thinking that you're always right and refusing to listen to criticisms. and when u do, you find ways and means to argue and counter. yes, u can talk, but not right means not right. u argue till you're right, you're still not right. i stop arguing is not because i really agree with you, but coz i can see that it's gonna lead to a quarrel. i do not want to quarrel with you if i can help it.



• not saying I love u enough. (SMS don't count)

I like u for:

• being there when i need u



• making me laugh



• helping me understand myself better



• making me want to become a better person



• doing small things to surprise me like changing my desktop pic when i least expect it



• unconsciously playing with my hair when we're out



• reaching over and holding my hand/ touching me while you're talking with ur friends (at least i know u haven't forgotten me)



• laughing at my stupid jokes



• understanding what i'm trying to say when other people don't



• not scolding me when i'm having my stupid moments



• letting me express myself even though it leads to unhappiness



• helping fix my laptop



• helping my dad fix his laptop



• your willingness to help my family do stuff



• ur penchance for cleanliness



• how u hate to sweat but like to play sports that makes u sweat



• teaching me and entertaining me when I wanna play LAN games although i suck at it



• not giving in to me when i'm being unreasonable



• being ticklish



• ur ability to think thru everything in a logical way



• protecting me and trying your best to make sure i'm not bullied



• respecting my parents and siblings, and entertaining my family despite their quirkiness



• ur ability to make things work even when things seem to be going against you

• not giving up on me

well.. ultimately, i still love him..

life is all about choices

i'm seething.. but i feel bad for feeling this way..

the bf is s'posed to come my hse for a family reunion dinner which my parents invited him a couple of weeks ago.. it's an annual pre-reunion reunion dinner wif my dad's side of the relatives.

few days back, he got an invitation frm a fren for a dinner on the same nite. he told me he wanted to go although my family 'booked' him first. i understand and empathise his motive behind it. but right now it's a dilemma, coz on the surface, it seems wrong to go for a fren's gathering which invitation came later, but the motive behind it is greater.

of coz, if it was me i would also rather meet my friends and be myself than meet the relatives and feel awkward half the time. it's due to this that makes me question the pureness of his motive.. i know it's not right but i can't help feeling this way. sm how i keep getting the feeling that he wants to get out of dinner wif my family, n subconciously using his friend as an excuse to not have to go..

on one hand, it's my family, on the other hand, it's his friends. i wonder how will it be if our roles were reversed..

he could join my family for dinner and meet his frens for after-dinner activities, but qn is, we haf no idea wat time dinner at my side ends, and whether his friends have after-dinner activities.

no perfect solution. i know i won't be v happy if he doesn't join my family for dinner, but if he's here, but his heart is elsewhere, wat's the point?? knowing him, he'll probably be impatiently waiting for the time when it's polite for him to leave.. n in situations like this, it will normally cause some unhappiness between us..

can anyone come up with a perfect solution? is there a perfect solution?? m i being too selfish??? aargh.. y m i getting so pissed about it?

i told him to juz go for dinner with his friends, and forget about my side, i'll explain to my parents, they'll understand. but y m i still pissed and unhappy about it? y m i the one who can't get over it? i dun understand myself.

what will be ur choice or decision?

I have made my decision and thanks to a couple of other ppl who provided me with 3rd party perspective.. i know the correct thing to do, i juz needed help in getting there. thanks!

CNY

hey hey.. CNY is creeping up.. was in the washroom (it juz had to be THE washroom) earlier, and it suddenly came to my mind that, hey.. it's so deja vu.. and life is so unpredictable..
a year ago, i was still at Eureka, struggling to make ends meet (still a struggle, but slightly eased now) good times, bad times..

and now, one year later, i'm in a totally new place, new colleagues, new dynamics. an organisation with a totally different focus and directions. and, of course, much better for me too!!

And i've a "new" house!! ok la.. reno done by TSO.. though there were a number of hiccups and stuff, it still worked out well..

I HAVE YET TO VISIT CHINATOWN!!!! and i got no BAK GUA...... duhz.. wat CNY.. damnz..

Spent last weekend being a painter, curtain installer, drinks delivery gal and general odd job labourer.. with TSO.. haha.. commented to him on Sun nite, 'How come my weekend is more tiring than my weekdays??"

Sat nite slept from 8pm till 2am, then 3am till 10am, and i'm still so bushed by Sun that I was freakin sleepy by 10pm.. i had a stupid moment on sun nite.. was looking at TSO's fingers which was on my hand.. so i was looking looking, and was like, eh, how come his little finger looks so different from the rest.. took me awhile to realise, chey.. i was looking at MY own little finger..
DUHZ....

oh yea.. CNY coming.. time to replenish the dwindling bank account.. beef it up a little.. n so sad, our first Vday will not be properly spent. hahaha.. anyway, juz add on a shoutout to SOMEBODY.. just SOMEBODY.. dun think u dun need to get me V-day prezzie.. hahhahaha

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR FOLKS!! N MAY ALL OF U GET MANY MANY ANG BAOS!! (*while your singlehood status lasts!!)

Stress...

If Hair for Hope 2010 falls through this year, it'll all be MY FAULT!!!

Cat

I need to rearrange my life. I've a bad habit of sticking to much to a new boyfriend at the start of a new r/s, and i'll manage to cram about a year or 2's happiness, 'honeymoon' period in 6 months.. no wonder all my honeymoon periods are short-lived..

anyway, all this sticking to the boyfriend is also pissing each other off as we can't stand each other for too long a period after all.. Dunno what will happen if we do get married.. probably we should get jobs where travelling is needed every few weeks.. at least that way we're sure we will have breathing space.. haha.. that is if we do end up together..

argued rather often recently. n he told me maybe i shouldn't be so nice to him. i thought i was too nice to him too. why should i be the one giving in everytime we have an arguement? whether or not it's my fault, i'm giving in. just to stop the black faces, the silence between us. so many times i just wanted to shout at him, but of coz, shouting will not solve a thing. make him more stubborn only. but why is it that he can't try to see things from my point of view? whether or not he can understand is one thing, but does he even try?

anyway, this post not supposed to be about him.. haha..

Cat is gonna rearrange her life.. haha....... but still thinking of what to do to rearrange it..

他

他是我活了将近25 年找到的伴侣。
虽然在一起的时间尚浅， 但在一起时总有一种说不出的亲切和舒适。
他和我比起来，上进得多（虽然也带有点惰性），处事待人也比我圆滑。
年纪和我相差只不过1岁，但感觉起来，生活经验却比我丰富的多。

跟他在一起，想象不到未来会带来什么，生活会如何，但总觉得是件好事。 在以前的感情里，总会想到未来，而想象中的未来都是满可怕的，所以，想象不到或许代表着会是一个更好的将来。

当然，吵架， 斗嘴，意见不和也常会发生，毕竟两人的生活习惯和成长的经历与过程所造成的思想是截然不同的。
最重要的是能够互相体谅。 与其默默承受不满，不如尽量心平气和地讨论，了解彼此的思想，也不是一定要对方认同，但知道对方心里怎么想，或许将来所说的话，做的决定，都能够把对方的心思也考虑在内才做出决定。

他的思想非常男性化，一切都以逻辑作为标本，完全不能了解为何女生在某些事情的处事方法会那么毫无逻辑，完全是感情用事。这也因此搞得我们吵了几次。他，就一直追问我为什么会作出那种决定，而我，一直没法回答。
女人嘛，偶尔就是感情用事，所作出的决定是靠感觉， 说也说不清。 男人，有时候是不会明白的。

有时候，我也不明白他到底怎么想，也经常会觉得他把朋友看得比我重要。
这大概就是女人所缺乏的安全感吧。多陪他做一些他喜欢做的事，接触新事物也好，反正又不会少了一块肉什么的。能够一起做一些大家都会开心的事，也能促进感情。

他也蛮疼我的，虽然两人的脾气都是倔强的。
带有一点大男人主意的他，也不太会让我。但至少，我知道他有在努力。
反正，我的认识有那么一点的犯践，对我太好，我反而会觉得那个人没骨气。偶尔让一让我，让我感觉他 是在呼我，但又不让我太野蛮， 我觉得他似乎是做得满恰当的。

女人嘛，最终也是嫁鸡随鸡，嫁狗随狗，而我也嫁猪随猪咯。

他，是王永安。他是我的。而我，也是他的。