friendship

How much is a friendship worth?

Now I know the value of a clique of mine. 

No matter how close or how gum, when shit comes down it comes. 

Painful that a group of 8 couples with friendships of min 5years will juz disintegrate overnight. Yes we gossip n we trash talk, some drift further away into the peripheral of the circle. But never did it occur that the circle will implode in such a fashion. 

A few wrong moves, a crime involved, money involved. Its almost like a Taiwan drama but less long-winded. 

Need to keep my remaining friends closer and maybe make some new friends..

milestones

Figured I should mark down milestones as it happens cos I forget when she achieved stuff. 

Latest, discovered her left bottom front tooth has started to emerge on 14/11/22. Can't see it yet but if one feels along the gum can feel a ridge. 

Also on 14/11/22, realised she has leveled up on her crawling skill. Can do a few steps on her fours. 

She could sit on her own for a little while at around 5.5 months, n by her 6th month she could sit unaided for pretty long. 

At around the same time, she learnt to stand while holding and leaning on to something, esp sofa. 

2 days before she turned 6 months. She learnt how to back scoot off the sofa and stand pretty steadily. 

Also started solids at around 6 months. Some of her first foods, cereal, banana, apple, sweet potato, pumpkin, carrots n other soft foods.

Currently it seems like some of her favourites are kiwi, carrot, pumpkin, yoghurt and other slightly sourish stuff. 

Ever since she turned 6 months, her development is so fast that it seems like she has a new skill every other day. She has recently learnt to copy me when I cough. Also, she uses coughing to get attention. 

Not to mention, this girl has a temper. It was obvious since she was less than 3 months old. When she cried for awhile n was ignored, and finally when I carry her, she will show her displeasure by not looking me in the eye for a pretty long while. Longest record so far was on 10/11/22. Evening and was bringing her to go pick TSO from his office. SK to Bartley (pickup stuff) then to telok blangah. She cried all the way from Lornie road to telok blangah, which was about 20 min. After that, she refused to look me in the eye for almost half an hour.. 

In Bangkok hotel

Six months old

angry sleep

Exercising in prep of crawling

must leave a drop of tear near the eye after every cry. 

mum life

Been months since last post.. busy like a mum.

Just thanking lucky stars (and my mother) for my gem of a helper. I'd give her 8.5/10 and if she wanna work on I definitely will recontract her. As of now she's really been a great help and I feel very much at ease to leave leah home with her. 

But, leah is currently a spoilt brat who has to latch to sleep. Mummy's fault.. 慈母多败儿。I started off letting her latch. She fell asleep a few times.. then it became a habit. Then she started co-sleeping a couple hours a night, esp during the mid of night feed. Then it became a habit.

Then we went to BKK and all forms of control went haywire. She was attached to me and TSO 24/7 for 5 days. Full days of baby-wearing. (Bkk not very stroller friendly)

Took helper whole day to get leah to acknowledge her. Sped things up cos I had to work the very next day.

Helper could try to coax her to sleep b4B if I had to go out late. Now it's almost impossible. The one time we tried, helper said Leah basically cried herself to sleep. How liddat?

But.. at leah grows, today (29 weeks and 2 days) she has learnt to pull herself up from a sitting position. Fast development,  but not good in a way. As of now, she has been sleeping in our room with a bassinet that I could dump her in on good nights. With her newfound skill, the bassinet is gonna be history. 

My hope now lies in the playpen/cot Michelle gave me. Otherwise she will have to move out of my room to bunk with helper. That will be a few tough weeks (I can't really bear it tbh). 

She's only a baby once. Is it really bad if I let her sleep with me? It affects our nightlife 😈 la.. but... she's only a baby once... dilemma. 

Speaking of development, Leah is advancing slightly faster than other babies her age with regards to motor skills n stuff.. like she can seat on her own with no support shortly before she turned 6 months, which I hear some babies still not able to even after 6 months. She has also learnt to scoot off sofa and stand before she was 6 months. Recently started to leopard crawl (but major motivation required). She enjoys standing, now she practicing to bring herself from lying down to a sitting position.

It's really enjoyable watching and encouraging her progress. But with each achievement it's a feeling that she's growing up a little more. Kind of wishes it's not so fast. 

I'm luckier than most mummies in that I do get to spend alot of time with her thiscpast 6 months. But 生活 is starting creep up and my bank acc is reminding me that it's time to get back to the grind of real world soon. Unfortunately it's not an option for me to be SHM. 

Can't bear the thought of missing out on her firsts. Gotta tell helper if she sees anything Leah does for the first time, don't tell me.. I gotta see it for myself for her 'first times'.. lol 

Breastfeeding 感想s

Breastfeeding Leah is a journey that seems easy before starting, more difficult than it seems to be worth when starting, painful and lonely and worthwhile when ontrack. Haven't reached the end of the journey so don't know what the feel will be at that point.

The worst part about BF is probably when pumping, one feels incredibly lonely and sad-ish (esp if you're alone in the room n u haf friends or company outside). It's unexplainable cos the rational side is u know you're not alone and ppl are actually waiting for u to rejoin them. It's the process I think. Totally understand why it's so easy to slip into post partum depression. 

I won't say I'm an optimistic person, but I'm more rational in that when I feel those emotions, I know it's hormones wrecking havoc (my gynae say our hormones is equivalent to that of menopause levels).

Thus I keep telling myself that "this too shall pass" and generally force myself to stop those emotions. At the lowest point I will purposely listen to a sad song or touching videos to make myself cry. Most times I feel better after that. If the husband is home it's easier cos I'll just make him hug me. 

Nowadays I've got an even better solution. Chocolates! Increases endorphins so I won't feel sad. Hahaha. It helps alot. Just the thought of eating chocolate makes me happy. 😃

I don't know if it's chocolate really makes one happy or I'm just tam chiak. Whatever, as long as it works. 😂😂

7 months into BF journey. 

I must say I'm very lucky. For such an undisciplined person who doesn't pump on time n only when desperate, I have enough milk supply to feed and to spare. It's tiresome at times and now that she's more active, it can be a cumbersome and sometimes painful session. But to see her growing well makes it all worth it. 

little moments

Have to rem the day when I had to go work, daddy was still sleeping beside leah who just finished feeding n falling back into sleep. 

Daddy coughed, leah opened her eyes, looked at me and smiled. Closed her eyes, daddy coughed again, Leah opened her eyes, looked at me and smiled again. 😃 😍😍 #10weeksshenanigans

surround sound

Surround sound system

Left, husband snore. 

Front, breastplate machine whirring

Right, daughter snorting n grunting (for a six week old she is putting up a good fight against her daddy)

Me. Appreciating life.

Mum life

Currently enjoying my last 2 days with a nanny. She'll be gone tmr.. this is my 2nd nanny cos first one couldn't be extended. So she intro me this one.. the good thing having nanny is that you can juz pass her baby anytime. 

Spending alot of time expressing milk. I think cows also don't get pumped so much.. also spending alot of time looking at baby. 

Supposed to have helper coming in end of April. But agents.. b4 payment everything OK..  after payment everything delayed. 

So I've at least 2 weeks that I've to look after baby on my own. Husband needs to step up. His current life is better than before. Wife at home with baby while he keeps going out. Even if he's home he spends more time gaming n on his phone than with baby. 

He actually went 5 days without carrying baby at one point. 

All these will change after tomorrow. If not he will be faced with the wrath of a over-tired n under-slept wife.

Only problem now is what m I gonna do with regards to meals. 

D Day

Today is D-Day (1 Apr). To be precise I-Day. Induce Day. Baby Leah has been served eviction notice to vacate the premises by tomorrow. 

Today is to ensure she's all packed and ready. 

I think she senses it too and has been fidgety the whole morning. Her mummy is kinda scared, kinda nervous, kinda unsure and don't know what to expect. 

Currently at 1pm, mummy has juz been admitted, dumped in a ward alone to wait for doc or nurse to come do the inducing (daddy cannot come in with mummy until she goes labour ward).

So now mummy is just sitting on the bed and blogging and waiting. We'll see you soon Leah. Be good and be cooperative. Love ya

Update

5.08pm doc put in inducement pill called cervidil or something. 

As of 8.08am my cervix has dilated by 1cm.. 

My labour is gonna be a long process. I think my baby didn't get the eviction notice papers..

D-Day +2 part 2

Ok. My dear Leah is out finally at 7pm. Weighing 3232g.



With all those info, I still haven't seen her.. at least her daddy met her 

Process was such.

Doc broke water at 5.15am, I had the 尿床 feeling all the way for an hour +.

So we have 12 hours for natural birth process continue. At the 6th hour mark, which is 11+, the doctors added another drip solution that increases the contractions cos it was getting pretty far apart and my cervix just ain'tcooperating and baby still hiding high up. Generally not an issue for me cos I dun feel much (unless the epi starts to wear off of some part of my body is getting lesser of it). 

I gotta add, I haven't had any food since 10pm the night before. Only snuck 2 sips of apple juice.

At 3pm, doc came to do cervix test (Nth time)

Asked if I wanted to consider calling it a day n go for Csec. Husband juz nice went home shower and I was drugged up.. so I said no.. I've till 5.30pm so juz wait first.

At 5 ish they came back, did the test n said no progress maximum is at 5cm, cervix still tight, baby still high up. And husband was back, so decision was made to go Csect. And somehow I was freaking exhausted by that point.

Fast forward, they sent me to the OT at that point. Around 6.30ish. This was when the they dun allow me to eat came in handy. I didn't have to fast cos I already fasting so once they got an OT I can go straight.

There was a whole team of nurses and anaesthetists who pumped me up with epi and did a cold test n lifting my leg shit. Which I could feel n do, meaning the epi not working well.. 6.50pm, they decided to GA me. Which worked damn fast cos I was exhausted, already drugged up on epi, and hungry. 

I rem doc say saying they'll wake me up when baby is out with all else done so I can have contact with her. But the next time I woke up it was 9pm. Baby already elsewhere doing checks. N I was in pain cos of the wound. 

The doc gave me 1/3 of a syringe of morphine.. I juz told her "All" but she ignored me. Dozed off, 5-10 min later woke up. Still pain. Plus throat so dry. They gave me water. 

Then they said I vomited during the procedure. Procedure itself less than 15min.

Gave me another 1/3 of the morphine. Told her "all" again. Still ignored. Wonder why they so stingy. Still pain.

Close to 10pm when I just woke up.. their shift almost over. So they juz ask me if I'm OK to go back ward. Not wanting to trouble n make them OT I said OK. Nut my wound still hurting. They did not give me rest of the morphine. Sad. I'm sure the last third would've done the trick. 

Saw husband on the way back to ward. Lucky I can recognise his back view. 男人的背影也蛮帅的。

He went up ward with me. Settled me in. Showed me vid of daughter. Say look like me. She has a, "why force me out?" face. So cool. I like.



Then settle me in ward, added my pain stuff. Not sure got my morphine anot. Pain went down slightly, I replied messages, went to sleep, woke up at 1 plus, decided to update. 

Nurse brought baby in to breastfeed. She is on hunger strike? Refused to eat. Held her for awhile at the expense of the pain in my wound. Then decided to put her back in nursery and try again later. Now I'm sleepy again. Kthxbye.





D-Day +2

This girl.. speechless. My tummy way too comfortable for her. 4/4/22 baby. If she still can drag one more day I also LL. But shouldn't already. 

First pill which lasts 24 hours didn't work, so 2nd pill went in. 

Didn't even feel much contractions with the 2nd pill, but apparently managed to open cervix enuff that mucus plug came out.

3rd pill went in and towards the end was the nightmare. Contractions started and it was bad enough to cause shivers. Didn't help that I had already requested to go labour ward (LW) where the pain relief is, and my doc came in wanting to do a cervix test. 

From that point till I arrived at the LW, it was pain all the way, just how pain. My pain was a cramp around the entire groin area, including the butt. Seat or stand makes no difference. And it was such that my hands were shaking as I texted my husband to come hospital.

Things only got better after I got to LW and was given pain relief gas, and epidural shortly after. 

And the husband arrived after that and all is right again. Until I have to start pushing, that is. 

As it is 12.52am 4/4/22 now, and doc intends to break water bag at 4am, I should have my baby from late morn onwards. I don't even wanna speculate cos I firmly believe she is capable of dragging on to 5/4... 

D-Day + 1

Baby Leah won the first round of inducement. Now she's kind of overstaying but this should be it. She's gonna be a 3rd April birthday girl.

Before my life is turned upside down, I figured I should note down on nice things the husband has done throughout the pregnancy cos he's sure to piss me off later on. This post is written while cramps are going on so might be ridiculous at times.

Nice things oya did that I remember 

- pushed me around in a wheelchair when I was next to disabled

- helping me refill my water bottle every other night

- scratching my back whenever I asked him to

- letting me cook n eat anything I want (mostly fattening food even though he wants to watch his weight)

- letting me buy whatever I want for the baby

- setting up the cot and whatever things that needs fixing in a rather timely manner

- letting me order whatever food I want

- letting me and accompanying me to play mj whenever I want (need to thank my frens for being accommodating also)

- holding me or being my support/crutch during the can't walk period

- making me laugh (this one is not just when pregnant)

- holding me when I cry

- letting me vent my frustrations on him without getting too pissed about it

- entertaining me n letting me nag without voicing too much complaints (can see from facial expression he was holding it back though)

- letting my parents be as involved as they want without putting up too much arguments

- taking things in his stride as best as he can even though he has the most indecisive wife and a very involved MIL. (This really takes alot of him cos I generally can't win an arguement with my mum and she tends to force her opinions onto me and that he cannot take)

- 'scolding' leah whenever she moves too much n causes me discomfort. 

He's not the best but I know he's trying his best. I just sometimes don't know what he has tried cos he doesn't tell me and keeps his emotions and feelings in him cos he doesn't want to start a quarrel with me. Then when things happen n I force it out of him, then I realise how much he is giving in to me and how he has been trying to carry the worry n stress and unhappiness on his own. 

Love is shown in different ways. He's the appear strong for u and not worry you kind of love.

Mine is the smother him with love until he tells me to leave him alone. Lol

Now that we gonna have one more person to love soon, I need to remind my husband to remember to love me more.

things I look forward to

After giving birth, there's a number of things I look forward to. Not in specific priorities 

- sitting & standing easily with no pain

- standing up is just standing up, no need to look for support or handles 

- not feeling like a hippo (maybe that's y I didn't eat the hippo biscuit thing during pregnancy) 

- lying down flat on my back to sleep

- lying down on my side to sleep with no pain

- turning n flipping in bed with ease n no pain

- no more stiffie wonder (but I think it's here to stay)

- drink all the coke n coffee i want with minimal guilt

- driving

- no more swollen legs

there's more but brain not working....

stiffie wonder

I have been suffering from leg problems since the 5th or 6th month of my pregnancy. 

In essence, my lower body has not felt normal since I don't know when. 

Besides the hip n ligament pain, the pain in my legs has been spreading around, ankle to hamstring to knee to other knee to other hamstring in different orders. 

Currently the pain is most keenly felt on left knee and it's like a mystery box every morning when I wake up. Like, how pain and where pain today. 

As such, I have decided to name my knees "Stiffie Wonder" for the rest of my pregnancy cos I wonder every morning which knee will feel more stiff. 

P.S. I have given up the walking struggle and rented a wheelchair for the month too. Maybe naming it "free wheelie"?

1st ambulance ride of my life

First ambulance ride of my life courtesy of the little one. 

Had cramps at 8 plus at night, but at only 27 weeks along, didn't think much of it.

10 plus it got worse n at 11 plus I gave up the struggle and asked TSO to send me to A&E. So, we went to to nearest one at SKGH. As it turns out, SKGH no ObGyn, so in the end they did basic checks n decided to trf me to SGH.(out of protocol, SOP is to KK by my doc is at SGH)

So thus gives me my first ambulance ride. 

It's now 3.38am and I'm at SGH ward waiting for the doc to check on baby and me.

New year again

New year New start. This year's really gonna be a New start for me n TSO. We're gonna become parents!! 

Right now I've juz started to accept that a baby is growing in me. N I'm starting to feel the trepidation n fear of going thru the birthing process. 

Heard lots about it, read a little and generally juz trying not to think about it.. but the little one having none of it.. constant pain in legs j ligament is a constant reminder that she's there, making her presence known (and keenly felt)

Basically just hope that in 2022 we'll make the transition to parents well and together. And that everything else will fall into place nicely.