Childish Cat

juz had a stupid argument wif tso..

maybe cause i'm too free due to prolonged unemployment.. i expect him to spend more time with me.. sighz.. maybe i'm too demanding..

well, we did sort of arrange to have dinner together.. but, he got a call to play ball.. oh well.. no point rehashing everything.. but i did accuse him of putting his friends before me.. nothing wrong with that i guess.. lots of guys are liddat.. and it's just this time.. eniwei, not too healthy to meet too often.. haha.. but i did say something too sarcastic and made both of us unhappy.. the rash things i say in the moment of anger.. gotta curb that..

sometimes responses given by tso seems so non-committal, really don't know what he's thinking.. n i'm bad at second-guessing.. i'm getting too dependent on him. i think i expect too much from a r/s that's so new.. i always get the feeling that if we ever decide not to be with each other anymore, he can walk away unscathed. i know i can't. i will find it damn hard to let go.. who knows, i may start stalking him.. lol..

i care alot, but i'm afraid it will stifle him, i give in too much, i feel i'm short-changing myself. when i feel i'm short-changing myself, i think it's cause i'm too selfish.. i love him, but at times i'm so pissed with him i feel like giving up.. when i feel hurt, i say things to hurt him too.. i really don't know how to handle a r/s in a matured way.

sighs.. kinda feel better after letting it out.. sweets, i'm sorry.. n i love u...