Little Things Cat Feels

being too free gives me too much time to think.. been thinking about a few things the past few days.. came to a few conclusions, but haven't thought of what my next step should be..

was telling TSO last nite, (though he didn't seem very interested), I feel that all my life, i've been very sheltered, and i've never had the feeling that i'm all alone.. no matter what, when, where or how, I've always have the security that my parents, friends, relatives, etc will always be behind me to support me.. I dunno if it's a good or bad thing, but, right now, I feel it's not v good for me.. I've never ever had the desperation to do something, or ever had the feeling of like, 'it's a do or die thing'. I mean, i'll still give 100% , but there's nothing to push me to do 110% or more..

n maybe, i'm too easy going, to the point that even for my own life, i allow it to be easy-going.. jobs, boyfriends, how ppl treat me.. I don't mind being the one at a disadvantage, as long as i don't owe ppl, n i can answer to my own 'liang xin', good enuff for me...

I'm too

• indecisive
• stubborn
• impatient (i love doing things that gives me instant gratification, i.e. i can see immediate results)
• bad-tempered
• immatured
  
• dependent on other ppl

on the last point, i realised i'm actually very bothered by how ppl see and view me. maybe it's due the the 'ai mian zi' fact or something.. there's always this image i wanna maintain in front of my frens.. it's like a facade or something.. and i don't want to let ppl see past this facade.. and i think it's this layer that makes ppl who meet me for the first time get the impression that i'm cold and aloof, on good days, 'cool'...

actually, it's coz i'm damn shy, and i seriously dunno how to make small talk.. if i knew how to, i'd be a damn good salesperson.. n plus, i'm 'cursed/blessed' with this forever youthful face.. how the heck will ppl take me seriously when i still look 16????

sighz.. enuff grousing for today.. gonna watch MAYDAY concert tonight!!! after months and months of waiting.. finally!!!