Little Things Cat Feels

being too free gives me too much time to think.. been thinking about a few things the past few days.. came to a few conclusions, but haven't thought of what my next step should be..

was telling TSO last nite, (though he didn't seem very interested), I feel that all my life, i've been very sheltered, and i've never had the feeling that i'm all alone.. no matter what, when, where or how, I've always have the security that my parents, friends, relatives, etc will always be behind me to support me.. I dunno if it's a good or bad thing, but, right now, I feel it's not v good for me.. I've never ever had the desperation to do something, or ever had the feeling of like, 'it's a do or die thing'. I mean, i'll still give 100% , but there's nothing to push me to do 110% or more..

n maybe, i'm too easy going, to the point that even for my own life, i allow it to be easy-going.. jobs, boyfriends, how ppl treat me.. I don't mind being the one at a disadvantage, as long as i don't owe ppl, n i can answer to my own 'liang xin', good enuff for me...

I'm too

• indecisive
• stubborn
• impatient (i love doing things that gives me instant gratification, i.e. i can see immediate results)
• bad-tempered
• immatured
  
• dependent on other ppl

on the last point, i realised i'm actually very bothered by how ppl see and view me. maybe it's due the the 'ai mian zi' fact or something.. there's always this image i wanna maintain in front of my frens.. it's like a facade or something.. and i don't want to let ppl see past this facade.. and i think it's this layer that makes ppl who meet me for the first time get the impression that i'm cold and aloof, on good days, 'cool'...

actually, it's coz i'm damn shy, and i seriously dunno how to make small talk.. if i knew how to, i'd be a damn good salesperson.. n plus, i'm 'cursed/blessed' with this forever youthful face.. how the heck will ppl take me seriously when i still look 16????

sighz.. enuff grousing for today.. gonna watch MAYDAY concert tonight!!! after months and months of waiting.. finally!!!

Cat with a new lease on life!!

Morbid title.. lol..

Went to court to do mediation wif BFL today.. hmm.. me thinks he's good at gaining sympathy.. all i could do was sit there and shake head.. can't even be bothered to defend myself anymore.. anyway, all i was after was one thing, and to reach the end, the means doesn't really matter. makes me look bad, but who cares.. not that i'm gonna see those ppl again..

but it was rather disconcerting seeing him.. thank god TSO was there wif me.. but there was a point when we were waiting that it was only me and BFL.. and he kept giving the psycho face.. rather scary though.. thank god again for mobile devices like handphones.. lol.. and for all the frens i could sms.. haha.. let's juz hope he sticks to the agreement.. so many things i could've told the mediators that will make him look damn bad.. but, i didn't.. TSO asked me why i didn't juz say.. actually, i just can't be bothered.. what's the point of rehashing those things again and again.. so tiring.. i got my point, he got his points, if we both get long-winded about it, i have no idea how long the whole bloody thing will take.. all i wanted was to get it over and done with.. unlike some ppl, i do have a life to live..

in fact, this whole incident is ridiculous to begin wif.. it's juz a frickin breakup.. why must detoriate into a mediation session wif total strangers.. talk? wat's there to talk? over is over, i've told u so many times, u can't accept, you're not listening, then wat for i keep saying?? cheyz..

eniwei.. tmr will be a brighter day for Cat.. hehe.. now all i want is to forget as many things as possible. Move on cat, Move on..

Cat the Slack

Sigh.. not working really makes one super 'nua'.. and the worst thing is, i need to get a job... somehow someway, money is flowing out and i have no income in the foreseeable future..

court day tmr.. a question that has been bugging me for the longest time is, what to wear?? I think i'm making myself think of stupid things like that just so I won't be so bothered about the heart of the issue.. i'm actually kinda nervous and worried.. fear of the unknown again.. all i know about court is what i've seen on TV and heard from others.. even the hearing from others part is so little.. i totally have no idea what to expect.. at least i'm the plaintiff.. but question still remains.. what the heck should i wear??? can i google this type of things?? oh man.. how did the neantherdals survive in the past? not only no such things as google.. not even TV or Radio..

hmmm... actually, i'm waiting for TSO, Cia and Mich to come over and swim. The SUPPOSED time is 11.00am.. but my guess is, they'll all be late.. that's y i'm still happily slacking on my bed.. lol..

SLACKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!! (unite later can?? i'm still slacking..)

Jobless Cat

This cat is jobless as of 19th Aug. Now I am an Ex-Eurekian.. lol.. Coincidently, I started work in Eureka on 18th Feb 2008, and my last day was 18th Aug 2009. Exactly 18 months. wow.. time flew.. i still rem how I felt when I first started work.. bumbling idiot who don't know what to do and have totally no inkling on office etiquette etc.. Not that i very 'zai' now, but most of the time, i actually know what i'm doing.. haha..

Hell week was last week, and juz as i predicted, i really did not meet TSO for the whole week till Sat morn.. what a week... there wasn't a day that i left office before 12 midnight.. tues at 12-ish, wed 1-ish, thurs 3am, fri 1-ish, sat also 12-ish.. and SUNDAY!!! whoa.. D-Day.. i'm so glad it's all over.. and the best thing is, on tues, i still had no idea when my last day was, and after the office accountant checked with the Boss, suddenly, my last day was that day.. WTF lo... didn't even haf time to pack up and handover things properly... sighz...

18 months in Eureka.. so many ppl came and left.. I've seen ppl who work for one day, and not turn up the next day, sigh.. the bosses should be more appreciative of the ppl who are willing to stay on for so long.. lol... i rem during my fifth month in the company, me and an intern was calculating the ppl who have came and left.. It added up to an average turnover of 3 pax per month.. i've seriously lost count of the ppl who worked less than a month.. why i wonder...

anyway, it's really bittersweet leaving the company.. there were great colleagues, fun times, of coz, bad times too.. but, everything always worked out well in the end.. or maybe only from my point of view.. But i'll always have a rather fond memory of my first full time job.. hee.. once an eurekian, always an eurekian.. haha..

now, i need to plan my next step in life.. cat isn't young anymore.. cannot keep fooling around.. must really find a job that i can excel and make progress in my career path.. sad thing is, up till now, I still don't know what kind of life i want, i also have no idea what i excel in.. all i know is that i won't be able to stand working in a job that i'll have to sit in the office the whole day.. i'll be bored to death.....

ultimately, i think i'm still more cut out for events and stuff that requires me to move around. I seriously don't mind long hours, moving around alot etc.. anyone wanna hire a jobless cat???


Signing off,

jobless and broke cat..

Long Long Weekend

National Day Long Weekend.. woohoo.. after 3 months without public hols.. this is a great thing that happened.. lol..

had a rather fulfilling (aka fun-filling) weekend, from a cat's point of view.. KTV wif colleagues n TSO(the sweet one) on Fri (still waiting for photos), out wif TSO on sat, + managed to get something wrgds to work done and settled, then mj.. Sun was NDP Day, Ericia managed to sign us into her office to watch a spectacular view of the fireworks.. sadly though, it was really quite short this year.. Cia, stay longer at your job, next year we go watch again.. lol.. or we can do the New Year, CNY, and any other fireworks worthy event.. hahaha..

Right now lazing @ hm with TSO, waiting for time to come.. CHOMP CHOMP.. hehe.. this cat has a stingray craving.. haha. fish.. hahahahaha...

and then, sobering thoughts flashes thru.. hell week coming... probably will be too busy to meet TSO for the rest of the week... sighz... but what Tian Tian said is true also.. 'CHEONG for the last time, make sure everything sui sui, go also happy, no regrets.'

ok.. CAT.. Jia you! YEA.. sighz..

Signing off,

Escaping from Reality Cat.

Tired Cat

sigh.. work never seems to end and life keeps moving on.. pretty soon i'll turn 25.. ooohhh...

Anyway, i'm tired.. waking up too early, sleeping too late.. always a problem.. sleep.. perpertual lack of sleep.. yet, when i get to sleep, i sleep too much and i end up feeling groggy the rest of the day.. it's those times that i feel i wasted a weekend.. and in my lne of work, weekends with nothing on is rare and has to be treasured...

anyway, this cat woke up at 6am today, and has to wake up at 5.15am tmr.. wat a lousy life..
sighz..

off to bed..


Sleepy sleepy cat..

Mewings of a Cat

Cat has decided to start over her life, as much as she can.. means new job, new relationships, new thinking etc.
The main reason for starting anew is to let the past fade away with time, and in order not to let one dwell in the past, one needs to move on.
In the past year, i've finally learnt to let go of a few things, and with that, I think I've grown stronger, a little wiser and happier.
Right now, I've entered a new relationship and am happy. Though there are still times when memories of past relationships still clouds the mind, and things are not as smooth sailing as it should be, I feel I will always have the courage to move on cause I know I have the support of my family and friends.

Of course, not to forget my boyfriend. i am grateful to whichever gods up there who is watching over me.. Thank you for bringing him into my life and shining light on a life that I hate. It is him who helped me gain courage to move on, and also to know that in order to get a move in life, one has to move first. instead of hanging on and refusing to let go of something, it is better to just let go.. the fall is only a few inches, and not a few metres as I feared.

I have officially tendered my resignation 2 weeks ago, and in around another 2 weeks time, I will be back to being unemployed. Bad timing, but it really is time to move on and start on a career path that will actually have better prospects.

If not for the fact that I know I have the support of people I love and who loves me, I will not be able to take this step, this big leap into the unknown. I have no idea when I can get a new job, and many things are murky.

All I know and need now is the support from my loved ones.. n i really feel blessed that I am able to find someone who loves me as much as I love him, if not more.. I've a dark past, and my future doesn't seem bright right now as well, yet he's still able to love me even during my darkest moments.

Sweets, thank you..